Read this article in the September 2017 Toastmaster magazine and thought it to be pretty funny. If you like words, and I figure someone reading a newspaper might well be someone who enjoys words, then you’ll find it humorous, too.
The article Malapropisms was written by John Cadley and under the headline it says, “These examples come free with your conscription to this magazine.” And it just gets better.
“I used to live across the street from a woman named Helen, who had a wonderful way with words. Noticing the ground cover surrounding my home she complimented me on my beautiful patch of ‘pachydandruff.’ Another time she asked if I had any ‘duck tape’ she could borrow. I briefly thought to correct here – the image of a duck wrapped in tape being slightly disconcerting – but I didn’t because I realized that here before me stood a source of entertainment far more creative than anything on television. And free!
“Mistaking pachydandruff for pachysandra and duck for duct are linguistic mash – ups known as malapropisms. Grammarians call it the ‘use of an incorrect word in place of a word with a similar sound.’ I call it fall – down – funny and I can’t get enough. I wish I had collected all of Helen’s malaprops, but there is no shortage to draw from. Look no further than the world champion of twisted syntax, Yogi Bera, to hear that, when it comes to American presidential elections, ‘the state of Texas has a lot of electrical votes.’ Or the former prime minister of Australia, Tony Abbott, who expressed, with all the gravitas of a respected head of state, that ‘no one, however smart, however well educated, however experienced, is the suppository of all wisdom.’ Suppositories have their use, of course – and a valuable one it is – but they are a far cry from the intended ‘repository,’ which holds things rather than loosens them.
“… The comic gold inherent in malaprops is not lost on the professionals. Stan Laurel of the famous American comedy team Laurel and Hardy worried that his partner was having a ‘nervous shakedown’ because he kept referring to the Exalted Leader of a group they belong to as their ‘exhausted’ leader (which may have been true; just not what was intended).
“… Back in the gold old USA, Richard J. Daley, the infamous late mayor of Chicago, was not one to mince words, except when he turned them into mincemeat. To Mayor Daley, a tandem bicycle was a ‘tantrum bicycle’ and no one could tell him otherwise. As for those with a weakness for strong drink, Alcoholics Unanimous was the mayor’s sage recommendation.
“… For instance, there’s the man who saving one wife is called monotony.’ He meant monogamy. Or did he? And the woman who remarked, ‘I have a very photogenic memory.’ Photographic is the correct word, of course, but perhaps she was looking for a modeling job.
“… My all – time winner came when I took my then six – year – old son to Starbucks for breakfast. As he drank his chocolate milk he asked me if I was drinking decapitated coffee. Beat that. I dare you.”
And here is wishing you some entertaining conversation this week!
See you on the bricks.
“Food is nourishment. Food creates bonds. Food offers moments to start conversations. Food is a connection to our past, present, and future. Food doesn’t define us, but invites us to cherish and share our unique identity in community.” This thought comes from Jennifer Younker in our church magazine. She is so right.
When you sit and break bread with another person, you are starting to build a relationship. Food, part of our culture, is a way to share who we are. It is not threatening to most people.
Many Guymon Hispanics are inviting everyone to the Guymon Fiesta on Sunday, Sept. 17. On Fifth and Main there is entertainment and kids games and lots and lots of food. This is the 21st year and what Fiesta has become is a delicious celebration of our Hispanic population, but it is most known for the food vendors. Many church groups come in and cook for the visitors.
Vendors are selling enchiladas and gorditos and fruit cups and oh, so much more. It’s fun and it’s tasty.
The event starts at 3 pm and goes until 8. Don’t make supper plans, just make plans to come to the Fiesta and partake in this celebration of the Taste of Sharing. And give your kids plenty of time to take part in the games and fun and enjoy being at the table with your friends and family.
This year’s Fiesta is a Main Street Guymon event and is sponsored by Bank of the Panhandle, CRI Feeders, Cargil Animal Nutrition, Charles White Insurance, City Bank and Trust, David Petty, Golden Crown, Hitch Enterprises, Guymon Tire, Guymon Convention and Tourism, MidFirst Bank, PCHC, PTCI, Phipps Dental Practice, TCEC, Trunchbull Services, and Vyve Broadband. It is important to notice who supports our community events and community activities. They deserve to be supported by us in return.
When was the last time you thanked a sponsor for something that you enjoyed? Maybe it’s your child or grandchild playing Kids Inc. basketball. Did you write a note or send a thank you gift to the business that sponsored that team? Maybe a bit of food.
You know, when we don’t know what to say, in our Midwestern culture we tend to send food. Like after a death or accident. We also send food or flowers when there is something great. Like a wedding reception, a baby shower, a retirement dinner. Sponsors deserve some of this same respect.
The Panhandle Partners fund raiser is being held early in October. They are a group that helps a lot of people who are in a personal fight against cancer. They have probably helped someone who is important to you. If they have, it would be a good thing to go and support them in return.
We know how to be good neighbors. Now let’s do it. It isn’t what we know, it is what we do. Knowledge is only as helpful as your actions with it.
This week I get the chance to spend time with some folks who are taking action. On Wednesday morning is the Breakfast and Business meeting at the Bank of the Panhandle where people who really want to learn more about making their business better come to share. The one – hour class this week is about money. That meeting starts at 8 am and it’s a great way to start the day!
Then on Friday we have our first Career Focus class, made up of 16 people who want to improve their professional skill level.
I love being around people who want to improve, who want to grow, who want to learn.
It’s a great week and on Sunday we have the Fiesta. Such a fun time.
See you on the bricks!
There are an abundance of activities coming up that could enrich your life. Or make your conversation more interesting. Or make you smile. Or make you smarter. So, your choice. You want to pay attention and be more enriched, more interesting, prettier, and smarter? Get your calendar out to mark some of these down. And I’ll throw in some great quotes just to keep things interesting as you read.
The Chamber General Membership meeting is at noon in the Ambassador (try their club sandwich, it’s great) on Mon., Sept. 11. The presentation is by David Clapsaddle from IBTS / City of Guymon. If you have been making negative comments about our city anytime in the past year, maybe you should come and hear the presentation instead of putting stock in the coffee shop gossip? Hmmmm?
“I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.” ~Henny Youngman … and speaking of money …
Ah, and those who have a business and are moaning about how business isn’t good this month … come to the Breakfast and Business. It’s time to start looking at things a fresh way. Get a better handle on things we can do to make business better. The class on Wed., Sept. 13, is about Capital and Cash Flow. I’m pretty ignorant on money and numbers, so I know that whomever comes to the class, they won’t be the one with the most to learn. That will be me. And I’m okay with that. The first class was great. This series of business classes takes place at the Bank of the Panhandle Board Room from 8 to 9 in the morning. You don’t need to be a BOP customer to be a participant in these free classes.
“Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?” Let this class help you figure out so that doesn’t happen.
A Christian Transformation Women’s Conference is happening on Sat., Sept. 16 from 9 am to 2 pm at the Guymon enrichment Center, 523 N. Roosevelt. Special guests are Christian recording artist Melinda McGlasson and Pastor Ashley Wymore. The cost is $15 per person, which includes lunch. Please call 338-3904 to RSVP before Sept. 13.
It never hurts to get our lives in a better place, a better balance.
“At the end of life, what really matters is not what we bought, but what we built; not what we got, but what we shared; not our competence, but our character; and not our success, but our significance. Life a life that matters. Live a life of Love.”
That same Saturday, the 16th, is the Firefighters Ball and the Senior Citizen’s Dance in the evening. And the Dinner on the Lake. So, you have your choice of several options for a great evening!
Take someone you enjoy being around. Remember to not waste your time trying to get people to love you. Spend your time with people who already do.
The Fiesta is on Sun., Sept. 17, on the street at Fifth and Main. There are wonderful fun activities for the kids to participate in and some entertainment, but the best part are all the food vendors. Make time from 3 to 8 pm to come here for supper. You’ll love the atmosphere, even though it’s pretty noisy, but people are happy and having fun. Join us!
“In America, you can always find a party. In Russia, the party always finds you.” ~Yakov Smirnoff
The Wednesday following, Sept. 20, the Breakfast and Business topic is “Am I Making Money?” Sometimes we haven’t figured out all the ins and outs and whether what we’re doing is actually working. Come and learn at this free class brought to you by Main Street Guymon, Guymon Chamber of Commerce, and PREDCI. It takes place at the Bank of the Panhandle.
“Never mistake motion for action.” ~Ernest Hemingway
The 23rd, another Saturday, has the Lori Underwood Benefit 5K, an OPSU Alumni Baseball game, and an OPSU home football game. Another day filled with fun.
“My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.” ~Henny Youngman
Later, you need to have these on your calendar; YMCA Sip N Fit on Sept. 29; Duck Dash on Sept. 30; Elder Fair and Pumpkins at the Park on Oc.t 3; Harvest Fest and Archaeology Lecture on Oct. 14; and HIPAA Training on Oct. 24.
It’s all happening here in Guymon and there are activities listed that you probably need to be at!
Have fun … and I’ll see you on the bricks!
The Main Street Guymon Football Families program was featured on the national Main Street America site as a community spotlight.
Read this and the truth is resounding ….
These seven home truths may be hard to hear, but they are guaranteed to help you sort your crap out and get your life together.
1) It’s not anyone else’s job to fix you, so fix yourself. Have something missing? Find it. Feeling miserable? Get out there and find something that makes you happy. Stop waiting for that lottery win or that knight in shining armor to come and rescue you. You are not in distress, figure out what you want and then get out in the world and grab it with both hands.
2) Nothing is perfect. It’s not the right time to have children. It’s too risky to start my own business. I can’t start dating until I’ve lost more weight. Suck it up buttercup! If you keep waiting for the right time, the right place or the right situation, all you’ll find is yourself waiting on your deathbed with a list of regrets about things you never did. The right time is now, so get out there and get what you want.
3) You are probably definitely going to fail. “The only way to avoid criticism is to do nothing, say nothing and be nothing.” (Aristotle) Aristotle may be some old dude that’s been dead longer than you’ve been alive, but that doesn’t mean he’s not right about this. Failure is normal, it’s natural and everyone does it. You will make a fool of yourself. You will make terrible decisions. You’ll kiss the wrong person. You’ll make mistakes and regret them. That’s fine, but when you fall off that horse (or kiss that frog), dust yourself off and get straight back up again. Don’t stop living just because you didn’t get it right the first time.
4) You can’t change the past. No matter how hard you try the past can never be re-written. Don’t spend your time wallowing in your regrets and your mistakes, instead focus on your plans for the future and start taking positive steps to achieve your goals.
5) Tomorrow doesn’t come for everyone. The polo-necked king of the iPhone said it best: “Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.” (Steve Jobs) People get hit by buses, they crash their cars and they have heart attacks. Don’t put off until tomorrow what can be done today, because for some people, tomorrow never comes.
6) Being busy doesn’t mean you are being productive. Some people live to shout from the rooftops about how busy they are, but if you assess their actions closely you quickly realize that if they focused on completing the task as much as they focused on stressing out about how much they have to do, they wouldn’t be so busy in the first place. Work smarter, not harder. List everything you have to do, putting urgent and important tasks at the top and get cracking. Turn off all social media notifications and anything else that might distract you and get it done. No excuses.
7) You do have the time, stop telling everyone that you don’t. “I just haven’t got the time” is spoken so often that it has become a meaningless statement. How many hours a day do you spend on social media? Watching TV? Looking through pictures on your phone? Chatting to colleagues about their sisters, cousins, dog? We fill our days with distractions, identify yours, limit your time on them and you’ll suddenly find there are more productive hours in the day than you originally thought.
Now you’ve had the un-sugar-coated truth, what will you do today to start getting it together?
Wow, let’s start together …
See you on the bricks!