Category: On The Bricks

“You do this and you’ll be welcome anywhere,” says Dale Carnegie in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People. “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

So true.

He shares words from famous Viennese psychologist Alfred Adler, “It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.”
Carnegie tells many stories to reiterate this thought.

“C.M. Knaphle of Philadelphia had tried for years to sell fuel to a large chain store organization. But the chain store company continued to purchase its fuel from an out – of – town dealer and hail it right past the door of Knaphle’s office. Knaphle made a speech one night (in a class), pouring out his hot wrath upon chain stores, branding them as a curse to the nation.

“And still he wondered why he couldn’t sell them.

“I suggested that he try different tactics. To put it briefly, this is what happened. We staged a debate between members of the course on whether the spread of the chain store is doing the country more harm than good.

“Knaphle, at my suggestion, took the negative side; he agreed to defend the chain stores, and then went straight to an executive of the chain store organization that he despised and said, ‘I am not here to try to sell fuel. I have come to ask you to do me a favor.’ He then told about his debate and said, ‘I have come to you for help because I can’t think of anyone else who would be more capable of giving me the fact I want. I’m anxious to win this debate, and I’ll deeply appreciate whatever help you can give me.’

“Here is the rest of the store in Knaphle’s own words: ‘I had asked this man for precisely one minute of his time. It was with that understanding that he consented to see me. After I had stated my case, he motioned me to a chair and talked to me for exactly one hour and 47 minutes. He called in another executive who had written a book on chain stores. He wrote to the National Chain Store Association and secured for me a copy of a debate on the subject.

“’He feels that the chain store is rendering a real service to humanity. He is proud of what he is doing for hundreds of communities. His eyes fairly glowed as he talked, and I must confess that he opened my eyes to things I had never even dreamed of. He changed my whole mental attitude.

“’As I was leaving, he walked with me to the door, put his arm around my shoulder, wished me well in my debate, and asked me to stop in and see him again and let him know how I made out. The last words he said to me were, ‘Please see me again later in the spring. I should like to plan an order with you for fuel.’

“’To me that was almost a miracle. Here he was offering to buy fuel without my even suggesting it. I had made more headway in two hours by becoming genuinely interested in him and his problems than I could have made in ten years trying to get him interested in me and my product.’

“A show of interest, as with every other principle of human relations, must be sincere. It must pay off not only for the person showing the interest, but for the person receiving the attention. It is a two – way street. Both parties benefit.”

So, there you go. Quit talking about yourself and your interests and listen to others. Words I really need to heed myself!

The next fundamental technique in handling people lesson Dale Carnegie teaches in How to Win Friends and Influence People is that you should arouse in the other person an eager want. As you read this you’ll probably be able to think of a friend or two that do this … and think of Tom Sawyer and the painting of the fence.

“Andrew Carnegie, the poverty – stricken Scotch lad who started to work at two cents an hour and finally gave away $365 million, learned early in life that the only way to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person wants. He attended school only four years; yet he learned how to handle people.

“To illustrate: His sister – in – law was worried sick over her two boys. They were at Yale, and they were so busy with their own affairs that they neglected to write home and paid no attention whatever to their mother’s frantic letters.” Remember this book was published in the 1930s.

“Then Carnegie offered to wager a hundred dollars that he could get an answer by return mail, without even asking for it. Someone called his bet; so he wrote his nephews a chatty letter, mentioning casually in a postscript that he was sending each one a five – dollar bill.

“He neglected, however, to enclose the money.

“Back came replies by return mail thanking ‘Dear Uncle Andrew’ for his kind note and – you can finish the sentence yourself.

“Another example of persuading comes from Stan Novak …. Stan came home from work one evening to find his youngest son, Tim, kicking and screaming on the living room floor. He was to start kindergarten the next day and was protesting that he would not go. Stan sat down and thought, ‘If I were Tim, why would I be excited about going to kindergarten?’ He and his wife made a list of all the fun things Tim would do such as finger painting, singing songs, making new friends. Then they put them into action.

“’We all started finger painting on the kitchen table – my wife, my other son, and myself, all having fun. Soon Tim was peeping around the corner. Next, he was begging to participate.

“’Oh, no! You have to go to kindergarten first to learn how to finger – paint.’ With all the enthusiasm I could muster I went through the list talking in terms he could understand – telling him all the fun he would have in kindergarten.

“’The next morning, I thought I was the first one up. I went downstairs and found Tim sitting sound asleep in the living room chair. ‘What are you doing here?’ I asked. ‘I’m waiting to go to kindergarten. I don’t want to be late.’ The enthusiasm of our entire family had aroused in Tim an eager want that no amount of discussion or threat could have possibly accomplished.’

“If salespeople can show us how their services or merchandise will help us solve our problems, they won’t need to sell us. We’ll buy. And customers like to feel that they are buying – not being sold.

“The world is full of people who are grabbing and self – seeking. So, the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. He has little competition.”

There is a Main Street Lunch and Learn on May 31 at the Guymon Fire Department classroom. Brayden Lehew is going to teach everyone how to do a CAHOOTS quiz, which can be a great help in livening up a small audience and getting them to pay attention to your presentations. It will take place from noon to 1 pm and if you want lunch, bring a brown bag! For more information, call Melyn Johnson at 338-6246 or email Director@MainStreetGuymon.com. See you there!

How was that for enthusiasm?

Catch you on the bricks.

Some of the ways that Dale Carnegie writes makes me smile. He says, “Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve? That is fine. I am all in favor of it. But why not begin on yourself?” How is that for a great way to start out? I loved it.

Later he goes on to say, “When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

“Bitter criticism caused the sensitive Thomas Hardy, one of the finest novelists ever to enrich English literatures, to give up forever the writing of fiction. Criticism drove Thomas Chatterton, the English poet, to suicide.

“Benjamin Franklin, tactless in his youth, became so diplomatic, so adroit at handling people, that he was made American Ambassador to France. The secret of his success? ‘I will speak ill of no man,’ he said, ‘… and speak all the good I know of everybody.’

“Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do. But it takes character and self – control to be understanding and forgiving.

“’A great man shows his greatness,’ said Carlyle, ‘by the way he treats little men.’”

So, Dale Carnegie says that we need to keep our words kind. He tells us if we want to win friends and influence people we need to not criticize, condemn or complain. He is so right.

This week let’s watch our words and listen to whether we’re criticizing, condemning or complaining. How do we sound to others? Think kind. Be kind. Speak kind.

Pioneer Days is over. Start your kind days by saying thank you to those who worked so hard to bring such a wonderful celebration to our community. Thank the businesses who sponsor parts of it.

And I’ll see you on the bricks!

The big secret to dealing with people is the next part of the book, How to Make Friends and Influence People, that I’m sharing with you. It’s impossible to deny that we have to deal with people all the time and it’s best to find out the best way.

According to Dale Carnegie, “There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. Did you ever stop to think of that? Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it.”

He goes on to say that “the deepest urge in human nature is the desire to be important. Some of the things most people want include health, food, sleep, money, life in the hereafter, sexual gratification, the well – being of our children, and a feeling of importance.

“Almost all of these want are usually gratified – all except one. But there is one longing – almost as deep, almost as imperious, as the desire for food or sleep – which is seldom gratified. It is what Freud calls ‘the desire to be great.’ It is what Dewey calls the ‘desire to be important.’

“William James said, ‘The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.’ He didn’t speak, mind you, of the ‘wish’ or the ‘desire’ or the ‘longing’ to be appreciated. He said the ‘craving’ to be appreciated.

“Here is a gnawing and unfaltering human hunger, and the rare individual who honestly satisfies this heart hunger will hold people in the palm of his or her hand and even the undertaker will be sorry when he dies.”

So, we need to show our appreciation of others. But it needs to be an honest showing.

“When we are not engaged in thinking about some definite problem, we usually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about ourselves. Now, if we stop thinking about ourselves for a while and begin to think of the other person’s good points, we won’t have to resort to flattery so cheap and false that it can be spotted almost before it is out of the mouth.

“One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence is appreciation. Somehow, we neglect to praise our son or daughter when he or she brings home a good report card, and we fail to encourage our children when they first succeed in baking a cake or building a birdhouse. Nothing pleases children more than this kind of parental interest and approval.

“The next time you enjoy a meal at a restaurant, send word to the chef that it was excellently prepared, and when a tired salesperson shows you unusual courtesy, please mention it.”

So, our lesson today from Dale Carnegie is to give honest and sincere appreciation.

It’s a good habit to have. Let’s all be aware of the difference our positive words can be to people this week. Hand out as many deserving compliments as you can.

And I’ll see you on the bricks!

Some of the ways that Dale Carnegie writes makes me smile. He says, “Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve? That is fine. I am all in favor of it. But why not begin on yourself?” How is that for a great way to start out? I loved it.

Later he goes on to say, “When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

“Bitter criticism caused the sensitive Thomas Hardy, one of the finest novelists ever to enrich English literatures, to give up forever the writing of fiction. Criticism drove Thomas Chatterton, the English poet, to suicide.

“Benjamin Franklin, tactless in his youth, became so diplomatic, so adroit at handling people, that he was made American Ambassador to France. The secret of his success? ‘I will speak ill of no man,’ he said, ‘… and speak all the good I know of everybody.’

“Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do.

“But it takes character and self – control to be understanding and forgiving.

“’A great man shows his greatness,’ said Carlyle, ‘by the way he treats little men.’”

So, Dale Carnegie says that we need to keep our words kind. He tells us if we want to win friends and influence people we need to not criticize, condemn or complain. He is so right.

This week let’s watch our words and listen to whether we’re criticizing, condemning or complaining. How do we sound to others? Think kind. Be kind. Speak kind.

Pioneer Days is over. Start your kind days by saying thank you to those who worked so hard to bring such a wonderful celebration to our community. Thank the businesses who sponsor parts of it.

And I’ll see you on the bricks!

For years people have been saying that the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” is such a great read. Ignoring them, I kept to my usual and only read trashy novels that were totally for entertainment. But recently I cleaned out the desk and there were five books there that were on the “Good for You” read list.

Last week traveling to the National Main Street Conference, I packed the book, “How to Win Friends …” by Dale Carnegie. The famous Carnegie family comes from Pennsylvania. My conference was in Pennsylvania. Seemed like fate.

Reluctantly I picked up the book. Soon I couldn’t put it down and read on and on. Devoured it in two days and even attended the conference classes! Such sensible statements in that book, which was first published in 1936. I cannot help but share some of the tidbits with you. It isn’t that you need more friends, it’s just interesting conversation.

Carnegie says that the only knowledge that sticks in your mind is that you use. So, yes, that means I need to start practicing some of this grand advice. Great. But getting new friends and influencing people should be fun.

“It is much easier to criticize and condemn than it is to try to understand the other person’s viewpoint; it is frequently easier to find fault than to find praise; it is more natural to talk about what you want than to talk about what the other person wants; and so on.” Yep, he says it straight out in the beginning of the book that these are not the sort of habits that garner favor for you from other people. That if these are your norm, it is time to form new habits.

“Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.” Certainly not the way to a person’s heart. Even if you think you’re doing it for “their own good”.

One of his explanations on this topic was a favorite. “George of Enid, Oklahoma, is the safety coordinator for a company. One of his responsibilities is to see that employees wear their hard hats whenever they are on the job in the field. He reported that whenever he came across workers who were not wearing hard hats, he would tell them with a lot of authority of the regulation and that they must comply. As a result he would sullen acceptance, and often after he left, the workers would remove the hats.

“He decided to try a different approach. The next time he found some of the workers not wearing their hard hat, he asked if the hats were uncomfortable or did not fit properly. Then he reminded the men in a pleasant tone of voice that the hat was designed to protect them from injury and suggested that it always be worn on the job. The result was increased compliance with the regulation with no resentment or emotional upset.”

Good thoughts to consider in how we deal with people.

Other good thoughts about what’s going on in Guymon to share today too! The Guymon High School Powerlifting team is looking for odd jobs to help pay for their state championship rings. Then strong young men are available to help you with any odd jobs you might have. Call Head Coach John Richmond to schedule an athlete. His numbers are 806-893-2278 or 580-338-4350 or email John.Richmond@GuymonTigers.com.

Garrett Martinez won the Best Overall Pioneer Day Beard. Congrats to him! The traditional contest was brought back by Brown and Associates Insurance. Great idea!

The Panhandle State Rodeo Team (men and women) broch home the team titles from the recent OPSU Rodeo and the last one of their season. I’m thinking these guys may be bringing home another national title this year. Keep watching because good stuff is happening with these teams. They’re impressive.

See you all on the bricks!

Sometimes we just need to get an attitude adjustment. And it is good to get one before something forces one on us.

I read about a preacher going to visit a woman named Judy who was dying of cancer. Judy told the preacher, “You know, before I got cancer I used to think what was important was a clean house, great looking clothes, and always having my hair fixed. But what is important for me now is spending time with God and my family.”

We need to be reminded what is really important.

Monica Ronne and I were visiting about the Iron Thunder Five State Motorcycle Run that is coming up. Monica and her husband, Shawn, volunteer for the Outback on Friday evening and for the run on Saturday. She told me last week that it was nine years ago when Iron Thunder helped buy their son Austin’s wheelchair.

We need to remember those who have been there for us and for our friends. We need to step up when they need help. Whether it is Pink Heals, Panhandle Partners, Rotary, Lions Club, Iron Thunder, or whomever … if they’ve helped someone we love then we need to pitch in for them.
They are some of the people who are important.

My hope is that you take some time during this Pioneer Days and spend it with someone who is important. Whether you go to the Rotary BBQ, watch the parade, take a tot to the carnival, attend the rodeo, or walk through the Mercantile, may you have that time to enjoy and share.

And if you’re not one of the hundreds who work to make Pioneer Days happen, take a moment to thank someone who does. We are so lucky to have such a fantastic event here to enjoy, of that I am certain.

“There is only one thing about which I can be certain,” said author Somerset Magham, “and that is that there is very little about which one can be certain.”

Have a wonderful Pioneer Days and I’ll see you on the bricks!

Sometimes sarcasm is just the tone for the day. That day is today. And I’m feeling the need to share some of it with you, if you don’t mind. Well, even if you do because you and I both know that you can just quit reading this at any point of your choosing.

The basketball playoffs are going strong and there are some good games being played. Those who love watching sports have to be enjoying them. Dave Berry is a sports columnist and he once wrote, ‘If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.” That’s funny.

Vanity Fair ran a column by Graydon Carter filled with sarcasm. I saved it. Here’s one little jewel from it, “Only in America could a man who brags about groping and kissing women without their consent win 53 percent of the vote among white women.” Ouch. I tell my children that you must show respect to whomever is holding the office of the President of our nation, but I couldn’t keep myself from sharing that little tidbit.

Gosh the list goes on and on. You getting into the sarcastic mood yet?

“Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.” That was Oscar Levant, an American comedian who died in 1972 who said that.

Rodney Dangerfield, another American comedian, said, “My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”

There are those who say that they are always honest and I’m here to say that they must not have had small children. Nor many friends. Personally, I think it is wise to remember the saying, “Tell your boss what you think of him, and the truth shall set you free.”
Just because it’s the truth to you, doesn’t mean it’s the truth to everyone.

There are times when you’re asked a question that it is just best to say nothing. America’s President Calvin Coolidge said, “No man ever listened himself out of a job.”

Most people are more interesting once they stop talking.

Comedian Roseanne Barr who could be called a hefty lady, said in her comedy routine, “I asked the clothing store clerk if she had anything to make me look thinner, and she said, ‘How about a week in Bangladesh?’” Ouch.

How about a weekend of Pioneer Days? It’s coming up the first weekend in May and it’s going to be good. You can sign your kids up for the Mutton Bustin’ at the YMCA until Friday the 28th.

The Rotary BBQ is Friday starting at 11:30 and ending at 1 with a plate costing $7 each. Don’t miss that great fun meal at the Activity Center. The Rotary gives many scholarships with the funds garnered that day.

Kids Clown contest is Friday at 10 am in Big R Standard Supply.

The golf tournament is also on Friday morning and the rodeo ends the evening.

Lots of fun. There are schedules out and about or you can go to the Chamber of Commerce website and see what’s in store.

But don’t miss the OPSU rodeo this weekend.

And remember never to give a party if you’re going to be the most interesting person there.

See you on the bricks!