Ever notice how there are some people that have lots of friends and some seem to have very few? Ever seen those people who new acquaintances seem to consider new best friends at the first meeting? What makes this happen?
Several things can bring people and friendships together quickly, but there is almost always a mutual respect at the beginning. The best way to make a friend is to make the other person feel important. And it is impossible to make someone feel important if you think you’re the most important person in the room.
“Remember what Emerson said,” says Carnegie. “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.
“If we are so contemptibly selfish that we can’t radiate a little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation without trying to get something out of the other person in return – if our souls are no bigger than sour crab apples, we shall meet with the failure we so richly deserve,” says Dale Carnegie.
After telling a story about complimenting a post office clerk that he didn’t know, Carnegie was asked, “What did you want to get out of him?”
“Oh, yes,” he answered, “I did want something out of that chap. I wanted something priceless. And I got it. I got the feeling that I had done something for him without his being able to do anything whatever in return for me. That is a feeling that flows and sings in your memory long after the incident is past.”
All people want the approval of those with whom they come in contact. They want recognition for their true worth. We all want a feeling that we are important in our little world. You don’t want to listen to cheap, insincere flattery, but you do crave sincere appreciation. You want your friends and associates to be, as Charles Schwab put it, “hearty in their approbation and lavish in their praise.” All of us want that.
So, let’s obey the Golden Rule and give unto others what we would have others give unto us.
Carnegie says, “If, for example, the waitress brings us mashed potatoes when we have ordered French fried, let’s say: ‘I’m sorry to trouble you, but I prefer French fried.’ She’ll probably reply, ‘No trouble at all’ and will be glad to change the potatoes, because we have shown respect for her.
“Little phrases such as ‘I’m sorry to trouble you,’ ‘Would you be so kind as to ….?’, ‘Won’t you please …’, ‘Would you mind … ‘, and ‘Thank you’ are little courtesies that oil the cogs of the monotonous grind of everyday life – and, incidentally, they are the hallmark of good breeding.”
We can all improve on being more polite and respectful.
See you on the bricks!