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On The Bricks

February 27, 2020

          Everywhere you go there are people that can be so annoying. They’re in the office. They’re at club meetings. They’re sitting next to me at an event.

          It’s time to start working on enjoying rather than being annoyed.

          We can control our ourselves, not their annoying tendencies. We can control our state of mind, our reactions, our intentions, our approach, and our words.

          Think about a person who annoys you. Get a picture in your mind of that person. See their smug face? Hear their irritating voice? Pay attention to how you feel, your facial expression, your body’s reactions. Is there a surge of contempt? It is time to start controlling these reactions.

          In his extensive studies on marriage and relationship, American psychologist John Gottman was able to predict with over 94% accuracy whether or not a couple would last. His most effective measurement was contempt. If he sees signs of contempt in one or both partners, it’s a good indicator they will be facing each other in court one day.

          So, we need to learn how to adapt a neutral position, physically, emotionally, and mentally.

          Counselor Sheri Alexander says, “A client of mine dislikes his boss. He feels like his boss is always seeking approval from everyone. And because his boss wants approval more than anything else, his boss doesn’t like to ruffle any feathers and, therefore, lets other employees get away with bad behavior.

          “I asked my client, ‘How would your boss describe himself? He likely would not say, ‘I always seek everyone’s approval.’ So how would he say it?

          “After thinking about it a bit, my client said, ‘Well, he’d probably say that he just wants everyone to be happy.’

          “’Yes!’ I said. ‘And now imagine how difficult his job is every day. He’s the boss. And there’s no way to be the boss and keep everyone happy all the time. You have to disappoint people, which sound like his biggest fear. Every day presents him with a challenge – a chance for him to be disliked. And you also seem like the type of person who isn’t easily impressed, So, maybe now we can see where the clash is occurring.’

          “My client paused as he considered this, then exclaimed, ‘That’s so big! I never thought of it that way!’

          “After shifting the belief from ‘he always seeks everyone’s approval’ to ‘he’s really afraid of letting people down,’ we figured out ways we could repair and improve their working relationship.

          “I coached my client to sandwich his criticisms and differing opinions between validating statements, such as, ‘I like where we’re headed with this. We could improve the process if we integrated this other system,’ or ‘I think you’ve laid out a great framework for us to work with here.’

          “By questioning a faulty belief, we were able to find things within his control that could improve the relationship.

          “Try to shift your mindset to one of curiosity rather than one of judgment. In doing so, you change the dynamic in the relationship because judgment closes the door to change. Curiosity opens it.”

Famous Okie information: Cimarron County, located in the far western Oklahoma Panhandle, is the only county in the United States bordered by four separate states – Texas, New Mexico, Colorado, and Kansas.

Keep Going on Your New Years Resolutions: This year love your life. Take pictures of everything. Tell people you love them. Talk to random strangers. Do things that you’re scared to do. So many of us die and no one remembers a thing we did. Take your life and make it the best story in the world. Don’t waste it.

Restaurant Team notes: The Main Street Guymon Restaurant Team has a goal to eat at every restaurant in Guymon and invite them to be a Main Street Guymon member. Seven of us had supper at Eddie’s Steakhouse. By far, the favorite meal to order was the fried jumbo shrimp with either the baked potato or baked yam. It was good. It’s only serving in the evenings and isn’t a place folks usually take their young children. A great place to go if you want to have a conversation with who you’re eating with without television and loud music distracting you.

Sage advice: First keep peace within yourself, then you can also bring peace to others. ~Thomas a Kempis

Things you might want to go to in town: Mar. 3 is the Open House at the new PCHC site at 1309 N. East Street in Guymon. You can meet the new medical doctor and several new counselor’s too!  The Open House runs from 5:30 to 6:30 and the public is encouraged to come in.

See you on the bricks.

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